Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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