At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
