I just pynch a tree in the face
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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