I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
