I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
