is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
