You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
