i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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