she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
