She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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