either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
