Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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