He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
