he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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