im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
