First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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