I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize