i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
