Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
