I showed him my bush... on skype.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize