Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
