I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
