Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
