I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
