I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
