some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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