my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
