There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
