My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize