i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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