let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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