He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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