Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
