chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
