Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
