Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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