Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
