Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I didn't shave. On purpose
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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