how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
