Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
