His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need a beard to bite.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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