Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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