I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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