Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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