Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
