Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
