Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I party with great urgency now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize