is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
