Less talking, more tequila
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He did a backflip because drugs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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