My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
