From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
