I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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