i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
