Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
