Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
