Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
