is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
