Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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