You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
A+ Viking dick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
