We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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