Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
