i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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