But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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