Welp...herpes.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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