Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
