I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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