Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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