yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
