Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
