If that was your dad, he is hot
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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