I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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