I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
