Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
