dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
