Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
